New LBH with WAW/possibly WW, need help.

[nutts]

Hi All,

I've been reading over the forums, and this looks like a really good place to get help with my marriage. Long post below. Short story, wife wants separate, leading to D, isn't willing to work to save marriage with a 2 year old son. Long story below.

We've been married 11 years, have 1 son now 2 1/2 years old. We're both 40. I have a great job, and she's a stay at home mom.

2 weeks ago, my wife tells me she loves me but is not in love with me and she's very unhappy. I'm surprised, but maybe I shouldn't have been. She says she doesn't see how our marriage will ever work and she doesn't see any way she'll ever be able to fall back in love with me. I ask about MC, and she says it won't help, but maybe she'll go. I'll get to the WW/EA issues later.

Looking back on it, I guess I should've seen the signs and I should have tried to fix our marriage, but I was just blind I suppose.

The 2 biggest reasons were we didn't spend much time together. This is mostly true; after coming home from work, I play with my son, we eat dinner as a family, watch some cartoons, give him bath and put him to bed. Afterwards, occasionally my wife and I would watch a TV program or 2, then I'd go in the basement to my office and play games and she'd go to bed and watch more TV. However, we mostly stopped even watching program together, she'd always say she was tired or something.

2nd problem was no intimacy. While we would hug, and occasionally cuddle (almost all prompted by me), we didn't have sex since our son was born. The main reason I was/am addicted to porn. Awful, and I started researching the issues and solutions immediately and I've not looked or masturbated since. I wish I would've fixed it long ago and maybe none of this would've happened, but, it's definitely on me.

2 days later we talk again, and I'm had a chance to think about a lot of thing and I tell her my issues with porn (she was largely in the dark) and how I should've seen signs for this and done something. I told her I want to become a better husband to her and I'll work on it.

She says, there won't be a you and I, and she's still sure our marriage will be over. She isn't willing to fight for it. We go over all the difficulties she will have, getting a place to live, getting a job. But the biggest thing is the damage it will do to our son, and I tell her our son should be worth fighting for our marriage.

I talk to a MC, W agrees to go. At the MC we go over the same things, W still believes M is over, I discuss porn problems, she doesn't realize how long I had been doing it and that got her even more upset. Nothing real good came out of that 1st session.

2 days later, while talking about this, she gets very angry, says she didn't realize how long I'd been doing the porn, an that made her eve madder. She says she feels unattractive (she's not, she's very beautiful fwiw), and she's not going to any more MC sessions, she's telling her family the M is over as well (she did that yesterday).

The thing left out is there is definitely an EA, and there was probably a PA. She went to the beach with her girlfriends 2 days before she dropped the bomb. While there, she told me and old friend of her's (guy) was there same time, she was going to have lunch with him. I said no problem (there has never been any A issues between us in the past). Of course, she comes back, and then tells me marriage is over.

Being suspicious, I check her facebook, and she's been messaging this guy. I can also tell she's been deleting messages in the convo. A few days later I check it, and she's telling him how mad she is at me, and the guy had sent her a pic of him in his underwear. I check it later, and all that convo is gone.

This guy lives far away (days driving), is married, has 4 kids, and I've never met him (they were friends before we met). She probably had a PA while on vacation, and she's having an EA ongoing.

I haven't told her I know, I wasn't sure what the right thing to do is.

I need help. I want to save our marriage. I'm 100% working on making me a better husband/person, and I know I played a large role in us getting here. I'm great with our son, I provide well, we hardly fight, we got along great. She does have some anxiety issues (not the best life growing up), but I understand them and can spot when those things flair and I work with her.

I told her I'm going to fight for our marriage, and I won't give up until the D papers have been signed. While I have hope, I'll be honest, I don't have much. She's a very stubborn person, and once she decides something, that's it.

I did see the MC alone yesterday, and she is going to see him alone too (we had made the appt at the last MC, so she's obligated t go). She did ask me how the MC went, and I said really good (but that's not really true, it was just OK).

I appreciate any help I can get. I'm not quitting; I love her too much, and I want my family to stay together.