Cherry, filing, moving. Gaining strength

[Cherry]

Guys thank you for the support. It has been a difficult day. The last couple days I've began to properly feel little flips and kicks of baby, I take time in my day to just sit and gently tap my tummy, and I feel baby. It's like meditating, it's relaxing and I'm bonding. But then the sadness comes that he isn't bothered to know about these things, let alone share this moment. He was so excitable when I was pregnant with S. He would read up on developments in the pregnancy and with baby, and he would talk to my bump, so then S could recognise his voice. Then when he was born, he was the most protective and loving father. I feel for this baby not having or knowing that. And I feel the pain that S doesn't understand why his loving dad who he spent so much time with, he doesn't see.

Grl, that's a good idea. But I think I've said this so many times he just doesn't hear it anymore, he doesn't care. But I'll continue to say I don't want this.

I've lots to do today so I've got to keep it together. But I do feel I'm truly holding off the tears, so going to take my laptop home and go do my work from there. Being in a work environment and people asking if I'm ok because I'm quieter than normal I can't quite deal with, I think at some point I'll just break. I don't want anyone seeing my tears. I don't want him to see my tears, he doesn't get to see that side anymore.