I have been working my way through DR very slowly. Sometimes I'm not even sure I want my H back after all he has done. I miss the close friendship we had though. Very hard to have that and then have it taken away literally overnight. Despite our R problems, we were very close friends until the end.
I could tell you never read it or at least taking a pessimistic view of it. Bottom line is that what your H is going through is going to take understanding. The book explains it all. It's not going to explain exactly why your H is going through what he's doing, but it's a start.
All I see you doing is trying to analyze him when you don't really have the background to do so. And everyone's background is different. Start with the changes to yourself as described in the book and then detail them here for us to comment.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
One thing I have been doing is not responding immediately to his texts if he texts me or if something comes up that I need to tell him about (related to finances or the house, etc.) I wait awhile. I used to drop everything for him, but now I tend to wait until the next day to respond or inform him of something. And let me tell you, it feels great!!
I can feel your pain. I am going through the same issues. So many different emotions and yet our husbands don't seem to have any! Or at least, they don't let them show. I hope it gets better for you. I am only one month in and I still can't stand it!
I have been working my way through DR very slowly. Sometimes I'm not even sure I want my H back after all he has done. I miss the close friendship we had though. Very hard to have that and then have it taken away literally overnight. Despite our R problems, we were very close friends until the end.
I can totally relate to this...and it's ALWAYS where I get stuck. I can't even fathom talking to my xW after all she's done, but I miss what we had and she always WAS my best friend. I remember feeling exactly the same way about 6 months in as well...borderline giving up, but missing them all the same.
Stay strong and don't respond to his BS...
ME-37 W-34 T-8 M-4 ILYBNILWY BD: 8-31-2015 EA suspected - 11/1/15 PA confirmed - 1/22/16 W files for D - 2/4/16 D - 8/9/16
The first 2 months or so, my H would tell me how he was grieving the marriage, how much pain he was in. That drove me crazy, that he would tell me that, when I was thinking "well if you stop this nonsense maybe you wouldn't be in so much pain"
Yeah, the wayward spouses are totally bonkers. If I had it to do it over again, I would buy a week's worth of "I'm with stupid" t-shirts and wear one everyday.
"The first 2 months or so, my H would tell me how he was grieving the marriage, how much pain he was in. That drove me crazy,"
Why would that drive you crazy? I don't think you understand that that's how he probably really felt. If you trivialized that as you're doing here, it would only push him further away.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
I remember feeling exactly the same way about 6 months in as well...borderline giving up, but missing them all the same.
THIS is exactly where I am in all of this. I couldn't have said it better / put my feelings and emotions into thoughts without you. I am literally 6months in wanting to give up because of the things my WW has done but also missing the HER I married and was best friends with. I'm starting to think the LBS is also on the same path as the other LBS here. I see how at certain months I felt some way as did more on here. It's crazy. Are we all drinking the same kool aid too?
