Cherry, filing, moving. Gaining strength

[Cherry]

So last night, it hit me like a truck for some reason. And I cried, quite a lot. I felt a lot of sadness for the man that he was, the r that was. And I thought about how soon he is going to be gone and soon I will be divorced. I don't cry about this often, and I thought I was in a more acceptance place where I knew I had no control and that this was going to happen.

This morning, I do feel I have released a valve and some sadness. I've still got myself up and sorted and off to work. I'm planning on working from home for some of the day, so then I can take S out and enjoy him for a few hours.

But some sadness is lingering, and I'm not happy about this. I did feel last night like sending wh a message of how I feel, but my logical brain kivcked in and I thought would it actually change anything? The answer is no, he doesn't want to hear that I love him. I don't know if it's common when everything is on the edge of being finalised that the lbs has feelings of persuing that appear? I'm glad today that I didn't do that. Surely it would look like a backslide to my work of being detached and letting him make the decisions that he is.

The one thing I did hear wh say to his mom was that I have wished him well. That's not really what I've said to him at all. I have told him that this is not what I want, but I realise that I cannot stop him. He has took my validation as my blessing.

So all in all today, in a bit disappointed in the feeling of sadness lingering, I haven't let this stop me from getting up and getting on with my day. I could quite easily of stayed in bed and had a wallowing day, but I haven't. I'll keep on keeping on. Maybe this sadness will crop up every now and again. Idk.