Detached, getting along better, but in limbo....

[Surfer]

Journaling.

I woke last night to S6 (who still wants to sleep in with me - he is embarrassed to admit this, he knows hes not being a 'big boy' etc.) he was talking in his sleep "Mummy, why did you go" , "Mummy why did you leave us". He doesn't know of course and there is zero point in telling WW or anyone as it will be just manipulated into me trying to make her out to be awful etc. But it is so, so frustrating. I am sure you have similar stories also.

Did the packed lunches (D8 loves smoked salmon and cream cheese so I bought some as a treat), also bought some expensive yoghurt deserts rather than the usual bog standard. Anyway, then got up at 5am to work, crept back for 1/2 an hour then uniform ironing, breakfast and school for the kids. S6 cried a bit on the doorstep of school and could not explain why properly. I have my views but I just want to be there for him. We cuddled and in they went. Then back home to work and back for assembly.

I saved 3 seats for WW and MIL & FIL. They sat on the opposite side of the hall. W usually does this. I think its a really bad parenting choice. It's her being detached, controlling. I went over to them, I don't want the kids seeing that. It's very poor parenting. MIL and FIL were like my own parents to me. How they have switched, not even a (real) smile. Used to be all hugs, kisses etc. In fairness they could probably feel me bristling. W didn't even acknowledge me. I was tempted to wear my wedding ring. Glad I didn't. Both kids ran to me first after assembly. Which made me happy. I love them so much.

I said bye to both kids and set off 30 secs in advance of MIL, FIL and WW. I said goodbye to all, only FIL acknowledged. MIL would have but probably didn't hear. WW was just being distant on purpose. I feel really quite angry towards her right now. It will go.

WW didn't look hungover, actually looked quite normal.Shes put on weight and is looking a little frumpy TBH. I don't mind that though - when she went wayward, she went all "slim/trendy" etc.

I spoke to WW's auntie about this earlier as I needed to talk to someone and she understands the family dynamics and my view point vs WW's. She knows there lots of history re-writing.

She said MIL had told her she didn't think my W would want anyone else. I don't mean she wants me "per se". Perhaps I'd be better not trying to figure that out........the one thing that is clear from our convo. is that as a family WW's are 'high on drama' and it's definitely not a favourite trait...

I need to crack on - I have a presentation to give. My first one as my new business.

Surfer.