I think your idea of "tough love" really comes off as inconsistent and punishing. Tough love being a court battle when you are just going to give her what she wants was punishing. Should you be over accommodating? absolutely not. Sharing the boys clothes? That's for the boys.
But I am still so confused. You want to tell her it's not your job to provide anymore even it's for the boys, yet you want to give her custody because you want to be able to provide for them?
Just think about it a little. It's like you are trying every action to prove a point, teach a lesson, or make her do something but they are so inconsistent.
