Just keep plugging along

[cbtdad]

Thanks Urworthy!!
I really wish I would have seen your post before this early evening happened.
It probably would have been better. You are exactly right. I am spinning. I'm spinning to the point that I am starting to see a lot of my old habits show up.
We went out of town to the wedding this weekend and that went fine. Of course we shared a bed at her mothers because she hasn't informed her parents about anything going on. I also noticed that she wore all her rings to the wedding which made me happy. So the weekend went fine
Fast forward to us getting back. She found Monday that's she failed a test, then she also had a bad day where she got called into the instructors office.
I've basically had 10 minutes of conversation the last few days as she had been totally consumed by school. She even had a parent teacher conference Tuesday morning that she never said anything to me at all because she is so distracted by school.
So once again it was all building up. Me feeling like I'm being put on the back burner. It's hard enough when my LL is being spoken, but it makes it worse when she feels so distant in other areas as well. I guess you can say my love tank gets completely empty.
So this evening we started to get into about something stupid which was the fact that she didn't respond to a text about dinner at neighbors. She said she was distracted. After bickering about stupid stuff, like her not bringing up parent teacher conference and basically ignoring me for the past two days, I told her to go to neighbors for dinner without me
As she was leaving I was paying cell bill. Well I decided to take a glance at "usage". I noticed she had a 30 minute conversation with a guy on her way back from school. The same guy that she talked to about us before and that she texts through instagram. I really don't think there is anything there, but the fact that she gives him a 30 min conversation while I'm feeling like second fiddle all the time set me off.
She texted me and said, "they are here" meaning other neighbors
I responded with: "Now I know why you were distracted. I'm good. Enjoy"
That text was sent with a pic of his phone number from the bill
Then I followed that up with: "I think I'm done W. I just can't do this anymore"
No reply and we haven't spoke since. She is still at the neighbors house as far as I know
The thing is I really do start feeling like I'm at that point. Like I am just fighting off the inevitable.
I've gone almost 6 months without sex. We are still in separate bedrooms.
I know some vets say DB for a year, but I just don't feel like it's going to change at times.
I was doing so well in focusing on me and changing things that I need to in my life
Now I feel like I'm going backwards.
And the reason I feel like I'm going backwards is because I'm not really sure if I want to be in this marriage. I am struggling with that so much lately.
I do believe that I think I think I should move out. I think I need that from my emotional sanity
I don't know. I think I'm just spinning in circles