In the UK - PT21 feeling stuck

[NDY]

Hey Dude

Gonna bounce about your posts a little here, so apologise in advance

I know the MLC'er has to find it all out on own, but what I just don't understand is, and tis is the killer question, why? Why can't they see that everything the need and desire is right in front of them? Why the destructive path, to find, judging by most people's experiences, everything was right at the beginning, or, just sadness, lonliness and pain? I suppose if we could answer all that, we'd be rich!

Yip, why indeed? Job and Cadet have put some some excellent stuff about this on other threads. Probably a good idea for you to go seek that out. But, what does this do to help? Not a thing. As we all know the MLC'er needs to come to their own conclusions and go on their own journey to realise they have a problem. If they have a problem that is. For all we know our EX's may well be perfectly happy with the new lives they've created.

See, they say that depression is the underlying cause in a MLC. And anyone that knows anything about depression will tell you that on the surface they can appear perfectly happy but are not. But equally they can be perfectly happy and not depressed. We have no idea. Hence let it go.

I still feel that W's MLC ticked off when she entered menopause. I also felt she was getting depressed at home (am I the cause, working extra hours to cater for everything?) and I did ask her to see a doctor, but I was told I was pushing her and not soon after we reached BD. I still think it's all about her age and growing older, but I always told her how much she meant to me and how much I still fancied her. Ah well.

Even if this were true how does it help? Ok you saw an issue back then but that was then. This is now. We all know we cant argue or medicate them back to the R. So all this does is vindicate you as being the innocent party. Still wont get your M on track. May make you feel a little better but Im willing to bet your W sees it completely different to this. It's all fine pointing at a cause. But thats not the problem. Its the effect.

Back when I suspected my Ex as having a MLC (I still do btw, but thats for another day) I read an excellent article published by psycology today on the female MLC. I didnt read anything on the Male MLC so no idea if they are different or the same. But the central premis was around creating perfection. In other words. They have the near perfect life. The loving caring husband, the beautiful kids, the nice house, the good lifestyle etc but its just not ticking the boxes.They trade all that in for an upgrade. This is exactly what my Ex did. Its very shallow and materalistic but I believe a real phonemonon. I could delve into this further but its better you look into this yourself. I believe that there are a lot of remarried folk out there that are not truly happy but just can't face admitting they made the biggest mistake of their lives.

And mate, I really hope this helps. Moving on is hard. Really hard. I understand you still love your W. Your 2 year anniversery of BD is coming soon. Mine is next month. 2 Years Huddy. 2 [self censored] years. Remember that for her she was unhappy long before BD. Long before it.

Peace friend