Hello my amazing friend. Forgive me as I havent read all the posts here.
First of all, you were sorely missed at the get together. Secondly, I am so sorry about the condo.
So,maybe what I am about to say isnt how everyone else feels, but, that never stopped me before.
You are good with who you are. And that is freakin cool. And I am sorry, if a guy doesnt like who you are...move along. Because if you have to change who you are by being softer or whatever, that doesnt work in the long run. He will see that side of you if he chooses.
THe fact that you havent met someone doesnt lie in whether you tell a dirty joke or not. You dont have many opportunities. But it also lies in the fact that you have some walls up.
I think subconsciously you are fearful. But it's more than that. I think you worry about how you are going to fit that into your life. Will your daughter like him? Can he handle all that you deal with? As those questions run through your mind, and while you may be open to a relationship, you are also really wary of one.
I did everything in my power, without realizing it, to push away the man I am seeing now. I showed him all the sides of me right off the bat. Heck, I practically challenged him to stay away. I wasnt looking for anything at the time. I was really good on my own. IF anything happened, I was good. If it didnt, that was ok, too.
Be you, G, always. Because your "you" is pretty spectacular. And the right man will see that and love that. You are gorgeous, funny, kind, kick ass and a whole lot more. You have amazing gifts to offer. And the really best thing about you...is that you are always who you are. There is no phoniness, no wondering about what you think. There is a wonderful down to earth quality about you, G, that makes people feel comfortable right away.
Those are the things that matter. They are the things that will matter one day to the right guy.
I am sorry you are feeling so lonely and alone. I get it. I really do. I was there for a long time and it succked. But it's not forever. It is just this moment in time. And maybe at this moment, you are meant to be with your daughter and your family and friends and work and go to school.
Sometimes you have to just push through this stuff to get to the next amazing good parts. They are coming, sweetie. I know it, without a doubt. Just not yet. Just not right this second.
Live your life, my friend. Continue to be the incredible person you are. And one day, when you least expect it, someone will walk into your life worthy of you.
