New and need help.

[ForGump]

I just wonder if there ever was any seed of doubt, any regret or any confusion? ... I just want to know that somewhere, somewhen, the last 18 years did mean something!

RBG80-- think about how weird, irrational, crazy your W is behaving. All of that behavior -- she's putting it on to fight the memory of your married life. She HAS to do that, to not feel like a total jerk herself.

So yes, the last 18 years do mean something to her.

I hope you find the strength to take small steps forward. One day at a time. That's all we can do.