I look at it like this. Dropping the rope - what does that really mean? Is it that we just give up and move on? With respect, it's easier for you and Sotto as you have had the dreaded D and you can now look for something new, in the probably knowledge that your other half ain't coming back.
To me, dropping the rope, means that I do everything for myself and GAL (in my own way) and I don't contact W. I don't see it as giving up hope. The alternative, which I'm willing to be corrected upon,is that I decide to throw caution to the wind and start dating. That, to me, seems to be what you're kinda suggesting. I don't want to date, because I know that if I did start seeing somebody, and W decided to return, I would drop them faster than a hot potato. So, I'm all out of ideas as to what else you suggest I should do to drop the rope.
Huddy ... I was reading up a bit earlier ... nodding, shaking and bobbing my head. Just thought I would say a few things as some items jumped out and maybe it helps, maybe not ... like all advice its free to you but cost me a bit to obtain it.
Ok, the Dropping rope thing. Maybe ^^^ up there is what it means, for me when I say drop the rope, or I dropped the rope its basically saying I have reached that detachment point where whatever she does, whenever, with whomever its does not phase me, I have let go of that rope attached to her ship so she can go sail the waters she needs to sail and end up wherever her journey takes her. This does not mean I do not care, nor am I jumping for joy and moving on. Simply means I have come to a place of acceptance and realized by me holding on I was actually hurting her chances of figuring things out as well as my own in effect hurting us both.
As far as Dating goes, thats something that is as unique as us all ... I tried it and it was not for me, I was just not ready and the people I met were in a different place than I was... its a very personal decision and I can not recall one person in the MLC arena that has said ... "Hey you really should date" ..... in fact I read after all we have been through one should allow 3-4 years of healing and growth prior to even really considering it.
Originally Posted By: Huddy
As for chalking off another week and looking for signs, that's me journaling. I have nobody else I can talk with about this. My friends are 230 miles away; I work with some of the most patronising, self promoting, facile people you can imagine and we have a new MD who seems to be hell bent on trying to get rid of us all. I chalk off weeks, so that I can look forward to spending time with the people I love - my children.
Oh, and while I'm here, W has done another one of those dating site things again (left open on a tab, again, on my S's tablet), this one called 'Plenty of Fish'. As before,she hasn't completed her details, replied to messages or uploaded photos, so, if this is some kind of goading mechanism for me to leap in to begging mode, I'm not.
She is still searching for all that euphoric happiness she is just certain is out there. I suspect this will not change anytime soon but its a shame your S too is being exposed to what mommy is doing, I would carefull watch how you handle this with him and assume you know better than to bring it up to her.
Originally Posted By: Huddy
To be brutally honest, I am well and truly pi$$ed off with life right now and it suxs. I am doing my gym routine five days a week, with positive improvements, and I have the kids all next week for the first part of the holidays. Oh, W decided to spew at me about that as well, as she said I should 'consult' with her when I'm picking my holidays, as my SD will now have to catch the bus to college, because W is taking the kids to her parents. So, that's my fault then, right? No, it's not, and I'm not going to have an infantile fight with her over that bollox.
A very wise woman (uR) drilled into my head .. the anger is ok to feel ... just do not live there. We can always punch the air ad ask why me, this is not fair, this [censored] but all this does little to improve our sitch, our perspective nor our life. Let her spin and spew about what when where for the holidays this is just another reminder life is not that grand in MLCville
Originally Posted By: Huddy
I think I have done as much as I can to distance myself from W and let her make her own mistakes and only when I'm good and ready will I throw in the towel (by christ, I'm so close right now) and sail off down the river. Right now, I quite fancy just taking off and forgetting everything. The only things keeping me here right now is my children, who I love so very much.
Getting closer, you basically have touched on the fact that as helpless as we LBSs feel ... its truly we who hold the cards and have the power. When and if its time to let it go you will know. For me I reached a point I had to, she has a long journey ahead of her and that in itself is tragic, what would make it more tragic is if two people lost 5-10 years of their life over one persons crisis, when and if she wakes and returns I will see where I am at that point.
Originally Posted By: Huddy
I'm not normally so indignant or arrogant, but this past four weeks has been particularly trying.
I think that W's do have a six sense. I sometimes think that they are like cats; toying with us like baubles on a Christmas tree, waiting to pounce and then letting us off the hook for another go.
As for divine intervention, well, I'm not religious, but if some higher being has plans for me, I wish he/she would show their hand, as I'm really tired of this poker game and I want to cash out or win the jackpot.
Yes, seeing my nephew was a shock and just goes to show that wherever you are, if somebody really wants to find you, they will.
Man .... I can attest to that ... my STBX had me on lock down as soon as I moved she called me on it and there was no way she could have known, its like they absolutely have that MLC 6th sense. Thing is its only when you are nto staying where they put you do they care.
I will tell you this, this side of MLC is hard and I truly believe its a bit different for a LBH than a LBW, I carefully did not say easier/harder ... just different as laws of attraction go along with us men having to appear strong when that initial fear of losing it all makes us want to go stage 5 clinger.
You will navigate this as only YOU can ... people here like myself have done this that or the other and bottom line its about the personal growth for the LBS I feel far more than where the MLCr is and in what tunnel .... something out of our control regardless. I thought I did it all to the letter and my W did return .... not fully baked and I knew it but I had her back none the less and settled. Was just like that movie Pet Semetary where they burried the beloved pet/son and yeah ... they had them back but was very much not what they expected. In hindsight I needed more work as did she, I needed to be stronger to lead the way and not bend, not be afraid of losing ..... she needs still to face her own demons and come to terms with that. MLC is not a wait it out thing, lessons to be learned for both parties regardless of the outcome.
