Maybs - Pt 4 - where to now?

[maybs]

Thanks NYGal, I'm trying to stay focused on me.

Threw myself a little pity party yesterday and stayed home from work to lay in bed and wallow. Altered between crying and sleeping and just staring into space trying to understand. I know that's pointless I'll never be able to understand because I don't even think she understands. Some of the things she said clearly indicate to me she has/had doubts but she is obviously not in a place to be able to handle them.

Only got out of bed because FA had me come over for dinner and wine. Hadn't seen her in a while. Had tons of fun catching up on her sitch and getting her caught up on mine and just actually relaxing. It felt weird to laugh to be serious and felt weird to say the ex-wife, but it is what it is. I'm glad FA is around again and we are figuring out how to navigate our friendship with her R. Her H is very controlling and is paranoid that everyone is going to try to convince her to leave him. Even though I'm the one person in her life that doesn't say that he thinks I will. I've been clear on my stance that I don't think he treats her properly but also have been clear that it's her decision to make and as her best friend I stand by her and support her 100% regardless of what decision she makes. I do not bad mouth him or tear him down, I simply listen and make sure that I'm a place she can land when her sitch gets too much since EVERYONE her family included just rips him apart and that [censored].

It just felt good to be with her and laughing and having fun and just feeling normal in all of this chaos.

So yup threw myself a pity party. Got over it. Back up today, at work.

I have told most people in my life that I just need some space and some time to deal with everything that I'm thinking and feeling right now and haven't been in contact with anyone but a select few. I really just need some time and process and deal with my life.