Since you are a newbie, I wanted to share this with you...I have merged your two threads together. The policy around here is to stick to one thread until you have reached 100 postings/replies. Also, you can change your subject line at any time within the thread.
2Lady,
Okay, first, let's talk about the stages. They do not go in a linear order. The MLCer can bounce back and forth throughout all of the stages until they have almost completed acceptance and start truly waking up. So, they can exhibit denial, anger, replay, depression and withdrawal bouncing back and forth. As I pointed out, there is a very deep depression that takes place when replay is beginning to wind down which is a bit more severe than the depression they start out with. The crisis will take as long as it takes. It has been proven by many of the MLCers that we discuss on this forum, that it can take longer than 2-7 years. Some take 8, 20 and even longer and then there are some that are shorter. Some remain stuck. Each person is unique, just as their personalities and the crisis journey that each of them will travel. No one can predict how long or how short this journey will be. It is up to the MLCer.
Most people do not realize that their spouses are in MLC until the BD occurs. Sure, we see signs of dissatisfaction, some depression and they tend to be very subtle w/making changes to themselves, but to us, it was very, very subtle and we don't pay that much to attention to it until the BD. Then we begin to realize that something is very seriously wrong and we panic, pursue, argue, try to rationalize w/them. Once the crisis begins, it's best to let it run its course. If you attempt to snap them out of it and you happen to succeed, they will go back into crisis at a later time and pick up right where they left off...but this time, the crisis will be far worse.
I've provided Cadet's homework. I think that if you start reading the homework and visiting the threads, you'll see that there is a wealth of info out there for you to read and educate yourself. Knowledge is power.
