Welcome to the MLC Forum. I'm sorry you are here, but we've got a lot of wonderful people posting here who will be happy to come by and visit w/you, i.e., support you, give advice and/or opinions, as well as just to talk about life in general. So, I'm going to paste Cadet's Welcome Posting here for you to begin some brand new homework. Read as much as you can about MLC and depression and if you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask them.
Here's Cadet's Welcome Posting: OK so that means MORE homework.
Keep this to yourself. DO NOT share this book or this site at all with your spouse. It is your playbook and not to be shared with the "opposing" team.
It is important to clear the search/browsing history from your computer on a daily basis to prevent the possibility for your WAS to stumble on the DB site and discover your posts here on DB. Erasing the search history will protect your posts and you as well.
Sorry you are here but you will meet some wonderful people here and get some great advice.
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support)
I have read a good deal of books on the subject and can give you some suggestions when you are ready.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
I will give you a bunch of homework assignments to read.
This POST is under reconstruction and we will be working on this as time goes by, this is the most current version.
Now you have all the tools to read. Let us know how your doing and if you have any questions.
I suggest that you read the entire thread in the resources. You can also pick out some people and read their whole story.
Depression is the key to the whole thing and it is always present!
Believe none of what he/she says and 50% of what he/she does.
I would not ask him/her anything unless you can have no expectations. Sometimes asking them questions will be thought of as pressure. You do not want to do anything that can be thought of by your H/W as controlling or pressure.
Lets not worry about him/her. Lets work on you! Start your homework assignments. Something to DO while you are on moderation. GAL. Eat, sleep, exercise and take a deep breath. In general take care of your self first.
Detach the single most important thing to DO.
Your H/W has given you a gift THE GIFT OF TIME use it wisely
Knowledge is Power - Sir Francis Bacon
_________________________ Me-62, D30,S28
I will try to answer your questions for you.
Depression is the main ingredient of MLC. However, there is a very deep, dark depression that will take place within the crisis that will be a bit more extreme than what you will see in the beginning. They may even withdraw more so during that period of time.
During the entire crisis, they are facing their issues. They go back to the time when they were emotionally stunted. The issues could be not being recognized for their accomplishments, abuse of any kind, parents have a golden child who can do no wrong, but continually criticize the crisis adult as a child, abandonment at that age, bullying and the list could go on and on...just as the individual is unique, so are their issues as well as how they deal (or don't deal) w/their crisis. They need to return to that period time to face, those issues, accept that they weren't at fault, possibly facing the authority figure (mom, dad, family member, priest, minister, teacher, etc.) and discussing it w/them. Sometimes, that person has died and then the MLCer will have a difficult time facing the issues, but w/the help of a professional, they can do it...but they have to decide whether or not to do so.
The issues are not generated in the MLC. They are stuffed down feelings of many years ago and they are what bubble up to the surface when something triggers the crisis. They are already within that person, just waiting to bubble up. The feelings that he/she has for the spouse are then stuffed way down into the soul and he/she can have moments of clarity, but those loving feelings will be in their soul until the crisis ends. Some make it thru the crisis and others remain stuck.
What took place 18-24 months prior to the bomb drop? Did your spouse get a promotion, lose his job, birth of a child, death of a family member, friend or oo-worker, serious illness for him or you? You are the only one that can determine what happened during that time frame...
Continue to post, but be sure to read the DB and DR books. They will help you as well as visiting around the forum. The more knowledge you have about MLC and depression, the better.
