MLC vs Midlife Reboot

[ciluzen]

I'm sort of enjoying the fact that I have time to apply without rushing, as I'm sure a lot of people are who are applying while in school still. I'm trying not to worry about not getting in, but I do have a plan B...sort of.

Esame, although I would say I felt good about my having a beer with H, it also put him back into the forefront of my mind again. These interactions, especially the positive one's where we both are enjoying each other's company, create big questions in my head. He is very comfortable with women now. He wasn't so much when we first got married, back when he told me men and women couldn't be friends. Now he is perfectly comfortable with doing things with women. I know he went to an event this past weekend with a female employee who I know he has no interest in. I actually hang out with her more than he does and talk to her more (outside of work). I guess part of my fixating on him after our encounter is wondering where that leaves me (even though I know its pointless). What is that encounter to him? Why did he say yes to my over-the-shoulder, flippant offer to join me?

The other reason I'm cycling my thoughts about him is due to some things with my kids. My D26 (now) had her birthday last week. He chose to attend two events (one within a few blocks of her home, an hour away from our town), but couldn't find the time to do any thing with her. I spent a few times with her during the week and got a sense that she was upset with him. Hopefully he sees her this week?

Also, in talking to D24, I found out that he had included her years ago in an activity in which he picked up Bubbles and her kids and had specifically asked D24 not to tell me because I'd be mad. She apparently looked at him and asked him if he was asking her to lie to me. He then said I suppose I can't ask you to do that. I think he told me eventually, but it just got me thinking about how often I was not told of his times with Bubbles. All of the secrets. Who does that? And allows others in on it (her kids, people who they ran into in public). How could they think that was ok? Well, probably because no one confronted them, except me...telling him...over and over. So I'm the bad guy.

I'm getting better, but it just makes me go hmmm. Why do I get punished for being loyal and loving and honoring my marriage (and H) by defending his cheating. Even if everything just points to an EA, its still wrong wrong wrong! Ugh. here I go getting myself mad again.