I cannot stop thinking that I have laid my own bed for this mess with my own affair. I am not justifying it and I feel very remorseful and sorry for causing my H such a pain.
He is turning very nasty at the moment and the interaction that I had last week with him were obviously with the intention of hurting me, which in a way I can understand. However I feel that he has returned to an even worse version of what he was back in Spring (when he suddenly changed). Also all this bad behaviour, blameshifting, rewritting our story and his public disclosure seeking people's pity is convincing me every day more that there is more to the story than I know.
Today my therapist gave me "homework" for this week. I need to find bounderies in my relationships (and that includes H) not to be selfish, but to protect myself from things that aren't good for me. Funny enough, H says I am selfish and cruel, yet I do not know how to put boundaries to protect my own interests.
I also came to the realisation that in the very remote case that he decides to come back to our R, I would not let take him straightaway unless i feel he is a happy version of himself, otherwise he can go for as long as he needs to find his inner happiness whilst I continue with my life.
We also came to the conclusion that he is playing games with me. First being nasty, then making me a cup of tea, then me hugging him and him resting his head on mine, then deleting me from FB as soon as I leave his place. This all looks like his behaviour in Spring. I see what my therapist means by me no having boundaries.
Where is the wonderful I have shared my life with for 8 years?????
