Here we go again....

[matw]

So I have failed miserably at detaching this past weekend. I have a feeling that it will be extremely hard until she moves out to the apartment. She had a bad head cold ever since she got back from MN and its just gotten worse.

On Friday I went to the drag strip with my kids. I was having a lot of fun and hanging out. I kept looking at my phone seeing if she was going to text me. I know this is just driving me crazy and a bad habit. I finally (my mind screaming don't do it but my heart saying do it) texted her asking how things were going. She told me she was just getting into bed and not feeling good. So I stayed at the races until about 930 then headed home. She wasn't quite asleep yet when we got home so she stayed up asking how things were and being social with the kids and I.

On Saturday she had to wake up early to go to work (she works on a local gym that I also workout at). When I went to workout she was coming out of the bathroom as I was coming in. She came into give me a hug then laid her head on my chest for a minute. I worked out then went to grab kids from my parents. Once my W got off work at Noon she came home and we took the kids to a local Cider Festival. Then we headed to dinner. Its pretty clear that she doesn't want to lose the "Family" part of us but she is still very stand offish with me when it comes to hugs/hand holding/etc.. I didn't force it and neither did she.

Yesterday I went to the gym while she stayed home. She still wasn't feeling good so I took the kids to my parents to give her a few hours to rest/relax. While I was out she cleaned a lot of the house. More than I would have expected for someone who will be leaving in a month's time. Also did all the laundry for the two of us. One of the things I did when I went into Mr Fixit mode was to make sure the laundry was for the most part done and put away. I was talking to a friend and he said she probably was just trying to keep herself busy. I don't know but it seemed strange to me. We enjoyed the rest of the day watching football. I had a massage in the evening so went to that then came home.

Here is where I made a huge mistake and when we were laying down to bed I asked if she wanted her head rubbed or back rubbed. She said back and I rubbed her back while she sent to bed. I know this isn't what I am suppose to be doing at all but it just felt nice to be right there in the moment feeling close. That is why I think when we are in separate houses it will that much easier. Also she continue to talk about what we are going to do for Thanksgiving and getting our kids presents together for Christmas. Its just really odd..

So I know I need to start working on boundaries and also detaching myself from her. Stop worrying about text messages/Facebook/etc... Its just such a difference than were we were that I am having a hard time adjusting to it. We used to text each other a lot during the day so to hear nothing from her makes me uncomfortable. Now if I try it just feels forced and I know making her more resentful. I need to go back and read Sandi's posts and trust in the process.