Please listen to Mach1 here... Everything that he shares he does from a perspective of having been down the road... You can't see the forest for the trees now... And to go along with machs assesment of you taking a martyr's route, which I would agree with as I have followed your story from the beginning... Google Are you a relationship martyr... My dear friend I say this with all the compassion in my heart for you, but I see you in each of the 10 ways indicated...
Vanilla is right, your WW is her issue, and you are good enough to be loved as you are...and I say this is the reason you need to leave her be... But even if you are good enough to love the way you are now, there are many indicators in how you are handling this that would say there is work to do on you... This work you need is not about being someone worthy of love, it is about your challenges in handling relationships... I have shared with you my thoughts about your potential for victim mentality behavior... Your recent announcement is one of those characteristics... This is not good or bad, it just is... You deserve to have more, and rolling over is not how you will get it... One does not get what they deserve, one gets what they go out and work hard for and earn... You need to earn respect from your boys, from yourself, from her and or anyone else in life...
Jk I think we all know that this decision has been made in your mind from the beginning...you continued to say that you would decide after the courts decided...but you never said how one decision or another would lead to anything other than you running back to Toronto...you know this...we all see this...
Your boys need a stable parent...your WW has not been that, you know this.
I will stop here because there is nothing I can share with you nor anyone else that will change your mind...only you can look within and see what you need to do to make changes... Your tune has not changed really from the beginning...and this is neither good nor bad...just is...but if you really want something different that what you are continue to get then will will need to do something different than you have been doing. Your decision here appears to us to be along the same lines of past decisions that you express regret for...
I may not support your decision here, but I do support you JimKao. I pray for you and your boys everyday. I pray you find the strength to do what is right for the boys, for yourself ...
Hopefully you may heed the advice of those much further down the road of a very similar journey... Mach1 is one of those that you would benefit to heed. Ginger Don There are others that have shared with you as well.
Virtual man hug for you brother... (((((JimKao))))) My prayers are with you.
Me 46 Former W 46 D19 D7 BD Feb 2016 WAW moves out 4/16/16 D final 6/1/2017
It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
I pray you find the strength to do what is right for the boys, for yourself ...
Just to bring this point home a bit more....
Doing what is right for the boys....???
Taking care of Jim, and making sure that Jim makes good, sound, rational decisions that affect him in a positive way. Making sure that Jim is of sound mind, body , and spirit, so that Jim can be the best Father that he can be. Taking his life in his terms, rather than taking crumbs, or accepting less than what he has worked for.
Jim being happy, and nurturing Jim's wants and needs, is ultimately...
I appreciate all the input. I will continue to focus on me and the boys.
H-46 XW-38 T-7 M-6 S-9,8,8,6,4 S 11/30/15, I filed 12/8/15 EA 2/1/16 D dismissed 3/24/16 PA 3/18/16 confirmed 4/22/16 XW files for D 4/1/16 - D final 11/17/16 Finally moving forward...
Considering your WW is unwilling to move to where you are in order to have 50/50 custody and is instead accepting of what was given, that says a lot of where her mind is. It doesn't appear to be on the boys. Maybe waiting for WW to show signs of less selfishness would be prudent before you make big life changes.
Me:49 W:45 M:19 T:22 EA confirmed and ended 8/2014 S:19,17 D:9,5
Considering your WW is unwilling to move to where you are in order to have 50/50 custody and is instead accepting of what was given, that says a lot of where her mind is. It doesn't appear to be on the boys. Maybe waiting for WW to show signs of less selfishness would be prudent before you make big life changes.
I agree with this 1000%
M 10yrs T 13yrs BD #1Oct 2015-PA between WAH and COW BD #2 April 2016-WH resumed PA, she broke it off Jan 2 2017 WH says he wants divorce April '17-Letting go 2018 D busted DD8, DS6, DS3
Another thing - now when the court didn't give her what she wanted, perhaps she will change her mind down the road. If it were me, I would give her time to think about her situation, feel what it's like to live like this, struggle with the distance, and then you can reevaluate in a year if she has not changed. I have a feeling you will not be so eager to move then, but who knows.
If you intervene now, I think you'll take away her opportunity to develop. Does that make sense?
M 16 yrs, WH62, P54 3 adult blended kids EA 11/13, BD1 6/14 PA fall 14, BD2 2/15 Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15 Separated 4/16 WH moved OW in 5/16 Divorced 6/15/17
Hi. Still hoping Sandi will post her thoughts or comments.
H-46 XW-38 T-7 M-6 S-9,8,8,6,4 S 11/30/15, I filed 12/8/15 EA 2/1/16 D dismissed 3/24/16 PA 3/18/16 confirmed 4/22/16 XW files for D 4/1/16 - D final 11/17/16 Finally moving forward...
IDK. All I know is I understand my STBXs POV. Regardless of my M. I dont have to like what she does says or thinks. I just need to enaure my boys are taken care of and there are a lot of ways to do that whether they are with me or her.
H-46 XW-38 T-7 M-6 S-9,8,8,6,4 S 11/30/15, I filed 12/8/15 EA 2/1/16 D dismissed 3/24/16 PA 3/18/16 confirmed 4/22/16 XW files for D 4/1/16 - D final 11/17/16 Finally moving forward...
