Newby here, desperate for some advice (thread 5)

[lt0402]

Oh man, the eye contact ... so hurtful. I knew she was drifting away and I always hoped that she would drift back... maybe the next day ... no, then maybe the next week ... no, then maybe the next month ... Little did I know at the time that she had sailed her ship off a precipice.

Yep, the lack of eye contact is horrible. FG, you and I have sailed the same waters friend as the above is precisely my story as well.

I guess I do go looking for insults that aren't there. Her not making eye contact with me is another trigger I've noticed. I may be losing my marriage, half my net worth, 50% of my time with my kids, etc., and I'm largely powerless to do anything about those things, so maybe I look to defend myself in these areas because I still can demand respect. Not sure.

JR, I know this feeling. There was a point where I viewed anything the W said to me as confrontational and I treated it as such. Picking your battles here is key and that's where your boundaries come in. Only be willing to fight an die on a hilltop one of your boundaries occupies. The rest of the hills are best left alone.

I'm not sure I see the point of continuing to "stand for the marriage" or whatever else we try to tell ourselves we're doing. The woman just doesn't want to be with me and doesn't want to live a life that doesn't have this new set of chapters she sees herself writing on her own, with someone new, etc. Yeah, be the best me I can be. I get it. But a lighthouse is a pretty lonely thing to be if no one even wants to look at it.

JR, I'm coming to a similar conclusion in my situation as well. Best we can do is keep focusing on ourselves and our kids. Sticking with the lighthouse analogy we've got going, if you build your light to be so bright that it can't go unnoticed, you're bound to get someone (if not your W) seeking it out.

Be strong brother. I agree with FG that you should wait until 10/12 to see what happens. But, don't lose a bit of time continuing to improve yourself. Don't idle until then, use that time productively. Be proud that you've taken a path of standing for your M. It may not work out, but you should have pride in the fact that you are. We're all here to stand with you JR!