Feyth, it's so difficult, isn't it. I, too, am wrestling with the notion of trying to understand and knowing that it's impossible to understand the irrational.
I guess for me what makes it so hard is that my MLC'er was once so rational. He was thoughtful and seemed to thoroughly think through the consequences of his actions. But now? Well, he tells me he is thinking things through, but his decisions are so self-centered and selfish it is difficult to understand.
