Reading all that .... man ... yup ... I could have written much of that a couple years ago. I think you handled it well not taking the bait and even thought you did not verbalize it I think you see it for what it is .. Baiting. She needs to demonize you in her mind, you are the sole reason she is not happy and, well everyone hates you... her family told her not to marry you, blah blah blah anything to tarnish your image and you did well. Took me a bit not to take bait in these situations then I discovered the STFU smoothie and I would just look at her in silence as she monstered and more information came out, this would give me a little idea of the things she was telling herself to get all worked up.
The kids will need you more now than ever, even young they know something isn't right with mom so you will have to be the rock for some time. They will look to you for stability because a woman who is yelling at them to clean up one minute then giving them a candy bar the next is confusing .... she will later on most likely do much to repair the damage she is causing to the relationship between her and the kids but this will take time. My W is still trying but often reverts back to this very thing with my son and we are 3 years past BD .... though I think she is better with him now than back in the high conflict years so it does get better.
One thing I would say .. you did well moving the money. They have this fairy tale image going on on how wonderful life will be once they get what they want. 32% over what you are already shelling out ... sounds like a killer deal. When she does start to monster about this its not always back to drink a bit of the STFU smoothie so you know what she THINKS will happen and then go ahead and calmly fire the truth darts laced with what ACTUALLY will happen. Life after separation/Divorce is not what is realistically going to happen and its not a bad thing to educate them on this sometimes. Other times may be best for you to continue the way you have handled this and let her figure it out the hard way (This is what I did ... and continue to do)
