Thank you Kyh and Esame. Yes, getting better. Last two days at home and then back to work.
I wanted to journal a bit what happened since we are back from holidays. H is much more involved, coming more often, also when I was sick but even before. At some point we discussed that he should let me know before he's coming which he did for a few days but then stopped when I got sick and was coming almost everyday. So he just showed up whenever he felt like it. He was also texting me much more, telling me that he has lunch in my areas (meaning the area where I work), or he has lunch with this person and that person. And he even goes to have lunch with people who I am close with and he knows through me though he was not doing that before. And he shares a lot from his work days with me.
He seems much better since holidays. Sometimes I wonder, like many of you here mentioned in your posts, if it really is MLC, seeing him like this. He now keeps eye contact, though it's true only when we talk about neutral things. Seems much calmer than before. I'm not sure what's going on.
Maybe it's because he's now much more often with us so he has the best of both worlds. I really don't know. The affair seems to continue with higher intensity. Now someone calls him every time he is at home for more than an hour. Nobody ever calls him on weekends and also he never picks up the phone when it rings so I assume it's her.
I must say I am not happy about him coming so often. And the fact that it's always me who talks to him, kids usually disappear the moment we finish eating. Sometimes they stay to play chess with him but less now that he comes so often. But again, he only comes when he wants. We had both birthdays of the kids in September and we always celebrate it on the day. For one of the b-days he went on business trip. He could have moved it but he "did not think it would be a problem". S15 said he wants to celebrate on the day of his b-day, especially that the day h said he would come in the evening it was not sure he will come early enough to have a dinner and cake as he was taking 2 planes between which he only had 30 mins. So we did celebrate without him on the day but I was sorry for him so I said if he let's me know that he boards the second plane I'll go and buy another cake and we can celebrate with him again. I'm not sure why I'm doing this as he never thinks about us.
This was after I discovered that he lied to me and the kids at the end of August, and not only about his whereabouts, but also he made up a story how his plane was cancelled two days in a row and he didn't know when he can come back and how he, poor thing, has to wear the same clothes for 2 days (like it's a problem for him to go to a shop to buy new ones). He was again on business trip from Wed to Fri. He told me he come back on Sat and will take kids out on Sun if it's ok with me. I said yes. I run like a maniac on Sat with the kids to prepare everything to get them ready for school on Monday and that they can be free for him on Sun. Around 3 p.m. still no news from him. Around 4 he sent a text to S15 telling him that he will come at 6 to cook dinner... I had plans with a friend as I was expecting to be alone on Sun afternoon. I text him to tell him he said he's taking kids out. He apologised, told me the story about the cancelled flights and how sorry he is. I asked him to communicate next time. And he said, "yes, I should have communicated but I did not know you had plans". Is he for real??!! And then in the evening he texts me to say how devastated he is that he let the kids down and ruined my weekend...
Anyway, I had a feeling that he may be in a different city than the one he said he was as the city where he went for business trip (with his muse) is just an hour away from a country where she comes from. So, I thought maybe she wanted to show him around her home country. But then I thought he would not promised kids to go out, he cannot be that crazy. Well, a month later, I receive a statement from our credit cards. I didn't even notice myself, just my son says "who went to [city in her home country]?". There were charges already from Fri (he claimed his flight on Sat morning was cancelled and then another on Sun morning so it was all lies). Despite promising myself that I will not be upset with anything including his parenting, I just could not help myself. I sent him an e-mail, told him I just don't understand how he can make plans with them when he knows he won't be here.
This was really too much combined with other things he is doing these days which some of it I already journaled earlier.
I told him it was the last drop and I will no longer help him with them and accommodate his needs and his timing etc. That I will not let him play with their hearts. I told him that until he seeks help I won't be there for him unless he is sick or in life danger. I said there is no need for him to reply that I won't read it. If he wants my help he knows where to find me for the rest I am no longer interested in more lies.
I'm seriously done! I just cannot go on like this. I do not recognise this person and just want to be left alone. Which again makes me think that it was much better before holidays when he was not coming here so often and I did not see him for a few months.
He did reply. Just some stupid think about how he doesn't understand where I'm taking time and energy from to write such an e-mail. And that I'm entitled to my opinions but he disagrees with both the premises and my conclusions. And he added if it makes sense he will buy train tickets to go see his parents with the kids. What did that have to do with anything? Apart from trying to find someone to blame for the fact that tough he asked me 10 days ago if I'm ok with it that he goes and I said fine as long as he doesn't drive, he still did not even look up the train tickets and knew that now it will be expensive...
He came, we celebrated the b-day again with him. We only talked about my health when left alone the two of us. Then the next day they were supposed to go. My MIL calls me if I know whether they are coming or not and if so when. That she has no news. She needs to know if to cook for 3 more people or not. Her son is horrible, she doesn't understand what he is doing, she has enough of him, he never picks up the phone when she's calling etc. etc.
Then they finally left. And that's another story: he takes kids the second time since February somewhere for around 24 hours and he manages to involve me and ruin my plans. Soon after they left he texts me that S13's backpack was stolen on the train. He had card with his name in it and the key to the house so I should "watch out" as the thief might have stayed in our city. In the backpack was also his favourite teddy bear - a family member, really. Though s13 is already big, he still wants to take it everywhere with him, just hidden in his backpack. I started to cry when I saw the text. I'm also attached to the teddy. But then he sends another text that the backpack may be in his car or in a restaurant. So I called the restaurant and it was there. Luckily! But it took me 3 hours to do all that as the city was totally jammed and it was heavy raining.
Then they came back last night. All went fine. Apparently h did not get angry with s13 (again, very unusual), he told him that things like that happen etc... Today s15 tells me they were in a car accident yesterday when h was driving MIL's car with the kids. Somebody banged into them from the back when he had to stop suddenly as someone was crossing the street. Do you think he informs me about such important event? No! What if one of the sons was not well during the night and I would not even know...
As I said, I'm done. For now. I need to concentrate now on getting better and catch up at work. It will be a busy period and I really don't have the energy to deal with him now. I saw 2 quotes somewhere the other day: "Sometimes you have to walk away from what you want to find what you deserve." and "Distance sometimes let's you know who's worth keeping and who's worth letting go."
I'm starting to think that he is the latter. Definitely the person he is now. Should he ever want to come back, well, we'll see then...
