My guess is that either you will never get papers from your W (she's got it made right now), or if you do they will call for you to commit suicide. I told you before it is in your best interest to file first. You should have done so already. In a year you will be kicking yourself for dragging your feet.
When you see your L go ahead and instruct them to write-up papers ASAP. Or ask if you can do so yourself - in most states you can simply download them and fill them out. Then have your L review. It would be very much in your interest to get papers written up first because you do not want to negotiate from her initial salvo. That will put you on the back foot from the start.
Write up papers with a 50-50 custody split, joint custody, 50-50 financial split, 50-50 college expenses, but limited, and limited duration support payments. Something you can live with. When your W blows up and comes back with something absurd, then you bring out the threat to file under adultery grounds, force her out of the house, wipe out her half of any savings/equity she could get in litigation, and pay her absolutely zero support, and have her adultery as public record. And dont say a word about what evidence you do or do not have to prove adultery.
If she shows that to her L, he will push her to settle and take whatever support you offer. Settlement gives her half of savings and some support, fighting leaves her with debt and no support. Its like mutually assured destruction, except you can rebound financially and she probably cant, so you absolutely can and would push that button.
Finally, you really, really, really, really need to stop asking her for help with D, talking about fixing yourself, explaining yourself, apologizing or talking about separation. Its extremely aggravating to read because you are handing your W bullets. And trust me, she is saving them up to use on you.
