Keep Wearing Wedding Band? [Thread #5]

[PacLove]

I think for most of us here ... DB and D itself really depends on the spouse, and their journey. While we can do a lot to maximize the odds that the spouse will see the lighthouse, it is really their ship that will either hold water or not.

Some spouses have very deep seated issues to work through: whether it's midlife crisis, personality disorders (e.g., BPD, narcissism), mental illness (e.g., depression, anxiety, bipolar), developmental issues (I'm thinking of all the WS's out there acting like teenagers), confusion about sexual orientation, or just plain selfishness. In those cases, the DB-ing partner can DB til the cows come home -- whether using the warmer, gentler approach encouraged by MWD's staff, or the more command/respect/boundaries-based approach encouraged by Sandi -- and the outcome is still 99% dependent on the journey taken by the spouse.

FG this is so true... our S are really on their own journey and we have very little influence in the outcome other than being the best us we can be.

I think the harder approach that Sandi advocates could potentially accelerate their decision but at the same time has the propensity to backfire whereas the more gentler approach gives them more latitude and freedom to find themselves but at the same time risks our own ability to stand up for ourselves and draw healthy boundaries that are important through separation and if one is to reconcile.