Keep Wearing Wedding Band? [Thread #5]

[ForGump]

CT-- yes, I did read the article, and it's a good reminder to keep becoming aware of the water we're in.

I think for most of us here ... DB and D itself really depends on the spouse, and their journey. While we can do a lot to maximize the odds that the spouse will see the lighthouse, it is really their ship that will either hold water or not.

Some spouses have very deep seated issues to work through: whether it's midlife crisis, personality disorders (e.g., BPD, narcissism), mental illness (e.g., depression, anxiety, bipolar), developmental issues (I'm thinking of all the WS's out there acting like teenagers), confusion about sexual orientation, or just plain selfishness. In those cases, the DB-ing partner can DB til the cows come home -- whether using the warmer, gentler approach encouraged by MWD's staff, or the more command/respect/boundaries-based approach encouraged by Sandi -- and the outcome is still 99% dependent on the journey taken by the spouse.

As the initial pain of the D softens, I think many of us see the landscape as it truly is. It helps us let go of that which we cannot control. It helps us see where we need to go. It helps us see the hills ahead, and the valleys thereafter.