Newby here, desperate for some advice (thread 5)

[JRuss]

Well, we almost made it through the weekend without anything negative happening . . .

W wanted to take validating friend out to brunch Sunday AM for validating friend's birthday. I told her I'd be happy to watch the kids and that she should have a good time. She said thanks and that she'd be back "in an hour or so". She comes home 2.5 hours later, no call or text to say she's running late. I'm pretty pissy when she shows up. Tell her she should have at least texted. She says she didn't know she'd be keep us from doing anything by being gone. I said she wouldn't have and didn't, but it was just a matter of common courtesy. I told her that she certainly would have let, say, validating friend or her parents or pretty much anyone else know she was running behind, and that I'd simply like to be treated similarly. She got angry and was escalating, and I told her to stop, that I'd said what I wanted to say, and that we didn't need to get into a big fight over it. She stood down but things were icy the rest of the day and evening.

I know one of Sandi's rules is not to inquire where they are or what they are doing. But I also know LBS aren't supposed to be total doormats. I do think she'd have communicated in some way with anyone else in the same situation, so I'm not sure what I should have done. I certainly could have been more matter-of-fact about it (I was too overtly pissed), but I'm getting sick of the lack of respect and am getting tired of her thinking she can treat me like she owns me.