You are handling your situation very well. Yes, everything becomes "theirs" and they do come up w/some humdingers along the way. As for her continued to say/think that you are going to screw her over...it's normal thinking for them...but it is also what she's thinking of doing to you, but verbally saying you may do it to her. Guilt has a way of making them talk out loud too. So, listen very carefully to what she's saying because MLCers do love to talk.
She thinks she's got leverage over you and that you will be over backwards to leave her pension, etc., alone. They love to use custody and visitation of the children as leverage when it comes to money and doing what they want. Check out your situation very carefully and do not tell her what you discover. Keep that info close to the vest and when the time is right, you can reveal it...but from what you've posted, she may not have a leg to stand on in that area.
Your wife's memory is a bit muddled if she thought she loaned you money. Maybe she loaned it to someone else or someone loaned her money, but whatever the case, if you did got your loan and paid it off, then it's nothing but rubbish thinking.
Don't doubt yourself. They do make us question ourselves and they do become very good at gaslighting us along the way.
Hang in there!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
