HalfTheMan & MLC-W

[HTM]

Friday evening W finds out I have an appointment this week to speak to my L. I’m somewhat detached but still too emotionally embroiled in all this to deal with splitting finances/custody objectively, feel it best to confirm my legal position ahead of the next Mediation meeting.

W starts on about her sizeable pension, as she did in the first Mediation appointment, and keeps saying/thinking I’m going to ‘screw her over’ when splitting finances because of it. I’m approaching this with no ill will, just after a fair financial settlement to ensure Ss & I don’t suffer because W wants to separate. Even the Mediator explained to both of us that pensions are joint marital assets. If W had done her homework, rather than just listen to hearsay from SILs/friends/etc., she’d be aware of this. As you can imagine some of this talk causes W to spew, on a couple of occasions I walk away, managed to validate a little but still get drawn into some of it.

I get up the next morning, go into the kitchen for coffee and notice W at the bottom of the garden on her mobile; probably reporting back to a sister/friend about the discussion the evening before. When she comes back into the kitchen the topic of mediation/separation comes up again, this time I handle the situation better; no anger, no retaliatory remarks, validate plenty and even apologise for my true failings in the MR when the opportunity arises.

During this longer discussion W mentions -en passant- my change in attitude/action wrt domestic chores over the last nine months; good to know some things are getting noticed without me bringing it to her attention.

On the downside, W is now throwing in threats about me losing shared custody of Ss if I don’t play fair -read: ‘do what she wants’- wrt split. Even though the court order against me has been discharged, I think W feels she has a stronger legal position because it was in place at some point; I’m not so sure but will check this w/ my L.

Going into observation mode during this discussion, I note W keeps using the words ‘mine’, ‘hers’, never ‘ours’ as I do when referring to joint finances, the house or Ss. Also, this is the first time we discuss last months mediation appointment but I get the impression W thinks the Mediator is on her side!

As the talk of finances meanders, W brings up loaning me money years ago when I had some credit difficulties while at Uni. I don’t ever recall her giving me any money at all. I dealt with the situation myself by negotiating with the bank to freeze the interest, took out student loans and worked two part-time jobs to pay off my debts.

I really can’t account for my W’s memory and where she digs up these allegations. Earlier in this crisis I would have been so confused as to doubt myself/memory but I’m getting wise to this now.

Over the remainder of the weekend W is mostly pleasant. Sunday afternoon she even sat with me & Ss in the lounge to watch TV; very rare since BD. W still spends a lot of time in MBR napping or watching TV, or I find her in the lounge with the TV on in the background w/ head buried in her smart phone. However, have noticed that when sleeping in the same bed W isn’t always balancing on the edge of the mattress as earlier in the crisis. Sometimes the slightest little accidental body contact would’ve had her turning away and back to the edge of the bed, but not so over the last few days. Anyway, not trying to read too much into this behaviour and trying to keep expectations at 0.