Maybs - Pt 4 - where to now?

[maybs]

Well She already stopped by this morning to have me sign the papers. I did say something that probably wasn't good DB but I needed to say it for me.

I told her that I was signing the papers not because this is what I wanted but because it was what she wanted and I respect her decision even though I disagree and because I do love her.

She said something about how everyone thinks this is so easy for her but it's not because she does love me and always will but that she doesn't think us being together is the right thing. It's just a perception that I have that this is easy for her, is what she said.

She said that I seem much better off now without her than before and that us being together was just stifling me. I just wanted to scream at her. I'm only "better off" because I've spent so much time focusing on myself not because our M was bad for me! All I said is that I've been working really hard at it and she was like what do you mean like you don't want to be doing all these things you're doing? and I just said not always.

We talked about counseling and she thinks the only reason I went and got help is because she said she wanted a D. which is true it's what triggered it but if that was the only reason I was going why would I still be going?

I don't know she kept trying to spin it into like she's doing this for me...and finally I said something very calmly and politely. I was like "You aren't going to be able to spin this in a way that makes me feel good about this. I do not agree that this is the right thing for us and as I have said I'm only willingly signing because this is what you want and I care about your happiness."

I don't know, I said what I had to say and honestly it was for me not her. She's going to go through with this, I know that everything I've done has been for me and not her but it still [censored] that she's now using those things to point and say "see you're better off without me". I'm not even convinced she's WW anymore. I feel like she just doesn't want to be with me...