was or what 8

[roist]

Thanks again forever young. Here are my thoughts on what you said:

The younger FY probably understood my questioning as reading his posts, his doubts, his struggle I understand him. But you are right. I will do something.I have a few weeks to organise myself. I don't want to pursue TOO MUCH. But we are married and regardless of where we are she has never verbalised to me that she wanted out. Until one of us decides to do so I intend to maintain a certain minimum married behaviour including acknowledging our anniversary.

FY, I have just read another two of your threads and understand your stance on connection. You do seem to have been blessed with always having a certain connection/openness with W. I envy that.A year ago I went hell for leather to get proof of inappropriateness with the intention of confronting W and having proof it was at least an EA. I saw everything and apart from being her confident all was within the confines of a good/best friendship. This consumed me and eventually I decided to accept that that was all it was and think of other stuff. It is not as simple as that but I moved on and their friendship fizzled out.

To clarify my W and l were both at the house together at lunch time and she didn't mention she was going to meet him, nor did she mention it all evening. And she was uneasy when she mentioned it, as she always has. Whether that is her knowing it is not fully appropriate OR her fearing me not finding it appropriate (whoops what kind of an unreasonable H I am!!!)

I have been fairly consistent regarding this friend in that I never ask anything and do not discus any topics relating to him. I saw doing so was condoning their friendship and demonstrated acceptance/approval thereof. Am I missing out on an important means encouraging openness from W by doing this. Should I be more open to her talking about this friend? I would like peoples views on this please.

You asked what I feared. Well I feared the end of my M. I feared confrontation (I traditionally avoided confrontation). But I also feared feeling like a coward if I said nothing. I feared not being happy with myself. So I faced my fear and spoke up. I am happy to have done so in that it is consistent with the characteristics I am trying to instill in the new better me.

Part of me moving to the mlc side of the forum, was to seek out advice here on how to be a better lighthouse and more specifically how to tweak my role as H during this period.

The old me would be realing still, but I am not dwelling so much on recent events. Que sera sera. Whatever will be, will.be.

This morning on your thread "wild horses", I read where you listed the good and the bad of where you were at. I do the same at times but will do so here shortly to document where I am at and where my head is. I do appreciate that I have more than most folks here and still I complain!! Anyway I will develope this later in the week.

Just for the record, no apparent aftermath ensued and the interactions (good and bad) are still as before. W has not pulled further away at least. Life goes on obladi oblada.