I am attending therapy sessions to understand my past actions and to learn how I can go through this very turbulent time in my life.
To be honest, and i am sure many people feel this way, I cannot believe we have reached this point. It all feels so surreal.
At the moment I am trying to focus on work, as my performance has really been affected by all this mess since April. I am getting in touch much more with friends and going out. As I have many friends and family abroad I am also trying to visit them as much as possible.
I stopped going to the gym, but exercising is something that I will start this week. I have also stopped contact with him as he is in a very nasty place emotionally, but I am finding it very hard.
I somehow struggle to understand his opinion about me (selfish, cruel, that I second guessed him and took advantage of him for 9 years), when the last thing I cause to do to anyone is any kind of pain, I believe to be very generous, I hate taking advantage of people and have always loved him to bit.
I may be projecting my bad decision on him, but his erratic behavior, blaming me for everything that has gone wrong in the relationship and how much he is slashing out towards me publicly starts making me feel that he is trying to ease his own guilt....
By the way, I just read my post and it is full of spelling mistakes, my apologies! English isn't my mother language and after 12 year in UK surely I can write better than that.
