Making the changes to myself that will allow our relationship to thrive. No more holding on to petty or benign annoyances that I allowed to fester. Telling my wife why I love her and why she's still such a special person to me.
Don't make changes just for the MR to thrive. Make the changes for yourself, or they won't stick. I think you need to hold back on telling your W why you love her and why she's still such a special person to you. This is what a man might do if he was dating and falling in love.....maybe wanted her to M him. However, that's not the case in your situation. The woman wants a divorce! She is fed up with you and she's done. In other words, she doesn't want to hear all that stuff about why you love her. The point is that she doesn't feel it for you!
Women consider this type of talk as pursuing, and she won't respond favorable right now. She's likely to tell you it's too little---too late.
Yes, work on changing yourself into a better man. That has to come before changing into a better H. If she thinks you are trying to become super H........she's going to resent you even more. My advice is don't tell her you are working to improve yourself. Just do it. You don't have to announce it.
The other area I will caution you is trying to become super dad. I see a lot of men who completely over-kill by suddenly trying to devour the kid's time & attention and being some kind of Santa Daddy.........and it looks anything but authentic. It looks as if he is trying to win the kid's love, as to spite the W (at least, that's how it appears to the W). For sure, stop nagging her and being a pest!
Your W is not emotionally in the same place as you. You have woke up and are ready to work, but she is done. So, don't be getting all frustrated if she doesn't do cartwheels over your changes. It can actually cause some W's resentment b/c the H waited till she wanted a divorce before he decides to change.
Resentment is like cancer. Over time, it will eat at that person until not much of anything else remains. It is a relationship killer! If your W has carried around the same old resentments for years......then that will kill her loving feelings for you. She has to forgive and let it go.
The other big killer in a MR is disrespect. I suspect you W has has had some level of disrespect toward you for a long time. Maybe she has tried to hide it, or maybe it has shown in her attitude, talk, etc. There are many ways a W shows disrespect for her H. And, here's the thing.......disrespect kills her loving emotions for her H. She can't desire him until she respects him. That's the way women are emotionally wired.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
