Cherry, filing, moving. Gaining strength

[Cherry]

CT, that's so unbelievably kind of you, I was genuinely touched by that post! I guess I really am my own harshest critic. I think I came here more like a timid mouse, a little scared, wanting to run from feelings and giving wh the ability to dictate my moods. I like to think of myself as a full blown lioness right now, and I will protect my cubs, and I'll fight to my death to protect them, that's being a mother. For me, I became a mother as soon as I got pregnant, I knew that life inside of me had to be protected, and you worry and care for that child even though they are in the womb. Now I have a toddler running round and another inside- and I care and worry for them both. And I shall protect the best I can! I will make a life for us, I will give all I can, I will sacrifice anything, and I shall certainly put their feelings and needs above my own.

And that's the funny thing with dbing, to start with, you're scared and hiding, walking around being depressed. And the spouse, well they are constantly roaming around, ruling the roost. However in time, the roles switch and they become the one looking scared and depressed. I know even if this all goes through, and I end up D'D. I will know that I didn't act in anger or spite. I didn't kick wh out of the house like none db-ers advised to me. Instead I found a way to be strong and separate his feelings from mine, I found a way to detach some feelings from him but yet still be kind to him. And most of all, I know I protected my S from seeing parents tear lumps out of one another, and I tried my damn hardest to be a lighthouse for all around me.

Coly, it's been a busy weekend, but I've made more lovely memories, and seen my child laugh and have fun. There's absolutely no packing taking place. No organising things. If he hadn't of told me about having a new place- I would never have guessed. He has spent his weekend in his room in bed watching tv, briefly coming out for food. There's been no purchasing of any new furniture. Absolutely nothing. I don't want to do any reading into it or give myself any false hope because I know he most probably will go. However someone so focussed on leaving, I would of thought having already paid for that place and it now being his- he would be spending time there and out the door rather than being here