Keep Wearing Wedding Band? [Thread #5]

[lt0402]

Got my son ready for bed, but W criticized me for not having him cleaning up his coloring pencils: "I don't want to be the only one telling him to clean up." In my mind I could hear myself responding, "There are so many things where I'm the only one doing it," but I didn't say it, I just worked with my son to clean up his stuff.

Yep, sometimes you just have to pick your battles. I feel your pain here FG bc I always want to defend myself when W does this. Best to stick to what your boundaries are and fight to protect those. Good work!

W thanked me for cleaning all the dishes.

To me that shows your W has respect for you and what you do around the house. Maybe I'm misreading the situation but that seems like a good thing. My W hasn't thanked me for anything in months, just constant criticism. completely disrespectful all the time. If there's any positive here it's that she still has some respect for you.

That visceral, physical, sexual tie I felt with my W ... it is being weathered away by months of her coldness and anger. In a way, she's making it easier for me to divorce her. I'm sure it's her subconscious way of making the world consistent for herself -- it's easier to make me the bad guy and want to leave, rather than to admit I'm a decent guy and still want to leave me.

I'm going through this right now too FG. The coldness and meanness make them horribly unattractive. I find myself wondering now, if I didn't have a child with this person, would I have already filed. My IC says the coldness and anger show their ambivalence. It's a defense mechanism to force themselves headfirst down the path they are moving along. Hell, my W went so far as to get a tattoo on her wrist that says "Let Go". If they are so hell bent on leaving us behind why even bother expending the energy to beat us up at every turn. They always seem to be trying to reinforce their image of us as the bad guy so they aren't forced to look inwards at their real problems.

You are doing the right thing by not stalling but making her drive this thing. Keep being strong and you will be good. we are both headed down the path of getting out of this in house S stuff. It will be interesting to see how things shake out of we ever escape it. I'm guessing things will be different with the 24/7 stress of W being removed, but who knows.