Other than the initial interaction. Nothing. By design. I don't even know her name. Haven't seen her since.
Stop talking about that woman. It sounds like a setup, to me. She just walks up to you and asks you out, and one of your W's spies catches it? Why respond, your W just wants to bash you more.
Are the two of you living in separate houses? (Sorry, I forget).
You need to stop jumping every time your W says "frog". Focus on the personal things about you to improve. Continue to GAL. If you aren't guilty of anything, then don't answer for it.
If she gets a D, that means she doesn't get updates about your personal life, right? Maybe she needs to see more of her life without you. How much are you involved in her life currently?
Last edited by Cadet; 09/20/1607:12 AM. Reason: edit duplication
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Point well taken Zues126! "nothing serious right now" would be a total lie though. I cant even remember how that lady looked or acted really. In a fog. There have been others since then recently (and I can remember)!!! I have had more female interactions lately than I've had for the last 20 years? But, Cessna is a Stander! I'm definitely not a "major catch" or good looking... family man by and large. Integrity, commitment, courage,and honesty are my attributes I think? Dang,I just don't get it or where
In our age group you're a golden catch. The show "House" had a great quote when House's older friend had a cheating wife who had left him and returned years later and wanted him back.
He said "People change, House."
House: "Yep, they get older, ovaries dry up, and nice guys like you start to look attractive again."
There is so much truth in that. Since you're NOT a cheater but a nice, employed, stand-up guy, the single ladies from ages 36 and up consider you a top-notch catch. A rare find. If you divorce you'll do just fine. As is, I'm serious, your comings and goings are NOT your wife's business. She wanted out. Out means she gets no say in anything you do. That's the 180. That's detaching. That's GAL. You do what you want to do.
You asked for vets. I'm one. A vet that reconciled with my cheater. Go find my story. The nice guy act didn't work. It was when I truly detached and was moving on that she saw that us nice stand-up guys are really a treasure. She snapped out of her stupid behavior and I went from the pursuer to the pursued.
If you have kids then that needs to be the only discussions you have with her. Questions about your social life are none of her business.
Okay, trying to keep the same thread. The W had been badgering me if I have been dating. I took everyone's advice pretty much and didn't answer. That blew over. I didn't recognized our anniversary a couple weeks ago. That went unnoticed. Last night she emailed me and said, "I'm very, very lonely". I didn't reply. I've been dark and consequently, so has she. When she does email or text (her 5 to my 1)there's always a statement of "you just don't care anymore" somewhere among the other info.
I am so in the fog that I just can't read nuances anymore. Are these positive or negative signs, temp checks, guilt, or screwing with me?
I have noticed that she is less condescending and uses less humiliating attacks. Emphasis on "less". The few communications have nothing positive towards R...or anything.
It really doesn't mean anything. Picture if an alcoholic woke up with a hangover and said "man, my head is throbbing". Now picture their co-dependent spouse listening wonder "Does that mean he is ready to quit drinking?!? Does that mean this is rock bottom? Is he ready to get sober for real this time?!?!?!?!?!?!?"
The answer is simple. NO. The alcoholic was simply griping that his head hurt. Wouldn't it be nice if he could drink and not get a hangover?
WAW hasn't hit rock bottom. She isn't expressing remorse, telling you she made a mistake, and that she wants to know if there's anything she can do to make it right. That isn't being said.
And, unfortunately, there is a good chance she never will. The same way many alcoholics never quit drinking.
I don't tell you this to be a downer. This is a site to recover your M, and many people do. But many people don't either. The point is you truly can't control that. So ultimately, this site isn't about her, it's about YOU.
You are the co-dependent person that is needy and clingy, that is trying to read into her head tilts and tone of voice looking for signs that she will come back to the marriage. I'm not picking on you. I'm not. I get it. I really do. But the 'believe none of what she says and half of what she does' in my mind applies just as much if not more to the 'positive signs' she shows you. None of it amounts to a hill of beans unless she truly is willing to back it up with serious committed action.
With that in mind, you have to continue to focus on detaching. You don't want to be that person I used in my analogy. You want to be the person that says 'well, my partner may always drink, I have to let that go and accept that fact, and have to figure out how to live my life with strong boundaries, values, and character, in a way that I can feel good about for me.'
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
