I Guess husband is stuck in a MLC

[AmyTx]

I am really trying. I am trying to rebuild my self esteem and trying to remember that I used to be fun. I just cannot imagine a future without him being in it. I am sure that will get easier with time.

I feel like a child -- throwing a tantrum that it's not fair. This is not what my future was suppose to be like. But then I remember that life is not fair. I was so secure and set in my marriage -- I did not realize my H was leaving me.

I know this is all about him .. But I can't help feeling I was part of the blame. Like if I had tried to help him or be more supportive ... I could see a change in him the last few months. He was so angry and mad. He blamed work -- and I just believed him. He grew more selfish and everything was about him. He was no longer affectionate and I felt unloved for the first time in our whole marriage. This all started after his dad died in January of this year. When he went to notify his mother of his dad's passing -- he found out she had died in October 2015. That is how messed up his family is .. And his mother had cut ties with him when she found out she had cancer. Plus I'm still recovering from my cancer.

I don't want the man he is now -- I mourn the man I married. I turn 42 in 2 days and now I fear this is the way my life will be. I know that before this -- any issue I had I had complete faith I would pull through. This is the first time I do not feel like I can make it.