The seed beneath the bitter snows is me!

[2Times2Many]

Thanks, Job, HaWho and bttrfly. It is scary to think H is trying to make major decisions while he's in the state he's in. Very scary. I try to stay on top of things but it ain't easy when someone is spinning like H is.

Job, I don't think he could sell the company out from under me without jumping through a lot of hoops. He has no access to the financial software (doesn't know the passwords) and he'd have to provide a lot of that to a potential buyer. Our accountant has all that info, but he'd have to get on board with H's shenanigans and I don't think he'd jeopardize his license by doing something along those lines. Still, I keep my eyes open.

I also agree, Job, that telling our manager about the D was a ploy to make her as scared as he is and provoke her to talk me into staying on after a D. What H doesn't realize is she feels very capable of running things without me and she completely understands why I wouldn't stay. In her words, "I don't blame you." Attempts to rally her to "his side" won't work. She thinks he's treated me horribly.

HaWho, humor helps, doesn't it? My song has become the one by Colbie Cailatt - "Never Gonna Let You Down." I found that one running through my mind A LOT the past couple of weeks. It sure helped keep my centered.

While he was here, I put myself in "experiment" mode (ala Cali) and listened to all his suggestions and ideas about how to "solve" this mess and how "damaged" he would be if I did this or that. All I could think was, "Well, you did this. You made your bed and I've given you ample opportunity to get you act together and you've chosen not to." At one point, I did tell him that I was sorry we found ourselves in this place, but I didn't cause it. He agreed with me.

The saddest part to me is it's obvious that he knows he's messed up, knows he's made a mess of his life and feels a great deal of guilt, but he keeps looking for the easy answers to his problems through self-help books and groups, and by manipulating/lying to people. And he's still looking outward to place blame and is wallowing in victim-hood rather than looking inside and facing (and conquering) his demons. But I've turned all that over to the Man upstairs. I can't help H. Hopefully, some day he will find the courage to do the hard work and help himself.

I hope everyone has a great weekend. I'm about to settle in for some college football and "game snacking" indulgences.

xoxo
2T