Cherry, filing, moving. Gaining strength

[Cherry]

Yeah, I guess her spew kinda helps me from saying anything. She doesn't have much of a filter! I think now even she is growing tired, and she too has pulled right back for her own sanity. Maybe this will help him see the loss he is going to feel.

I do get a lot of support and help from mil, I also have a few good friends and my own family for support. I am fiercely independent though, so accepting help is something I struggle with, but I am taking the effort too.

That does mean a lot though painter. I'm trying to keep as much dignity and grace about me as possible. I think of what my S is being exposed to, and also think of my own peace. I'm keen to make sure my good nature does not get made a mockery of, I won't let him take advantage of me.

I'm not too sure why at the moment I've hit a bit of a lull. There's a sadness that is hanging around. I guess it's an acceptance that this is now happening, and it's the waiting of all the papers, and him moving, and the sadness of S I see at times, and how this baby will potentially never know their father quite so well. I have been thinking what is it about wh that I actually miss. I think it's having that person to love, cuddle, talk to. We were always the best of friends and would laugh a lot and do things together. I don't just feel the loss of a h, but my best friend too. I know time is a healer, and that eventually the sadness will ease. I also know that the person he has been for the last 2 years on and off has not been my best friend, nor a h. And it has been a case of him ignoring me and being selfish and dishonest, and that is something I can live without.

My mil said yesterday that for someone getting everything he wants, he doesn't appear happy , and he doesnt. But maybe that's because he possibly doesn't truly know what he wants, or it's the guilt eating away. Who knows.