I know there will be life after this, but I just feel like he is doing such a disservice to himself and us because he won't get any counseling or help to try to figure this out. How can you sleep every night knowing that you didn't do everything you could do to save your relationship and your family?
TLE I just read your thread at newcomers and wanted to reply on that last a point you made. He will not believe word you say now, and he doesn't think he is doing a disservice to anyone. He has probably rewritten all your history in his brain to suit his beliefs, and you are no longer his "honey" or his "beautiful wife". You (and everything you represent) are the enemy. The proof that he is getting older and has responsibilities. My H told me some horrible things, but one of the most hurtful is that he thinks "I'm a good person deep inside". That to me implied that he sees me as a monster or a horrible person, which is so far from the truth. If anything I let people walk all over me, and I'm too nice, I have never hurt anyone in my entire life, and the person I loved the most was attacking not only our marriage, but my personality, my beliefs and even my children's happiness. The only way to handle that is to dismiss it as some sort of temporary insanity caused by the MLC. Because otherwise I would have to admit that I lived with a sociopath for 16 years, and I'm not ready to go there.
Believe nothing they say and only half of what they do. Someone gave me this advice here (job I think) and I think it is the only way to deal with the pain.
Best of luck with everything, it will get easier. Going dark helped me enormously and so did exercise. I think I would have lost the plot if it wasn't for exercising and the support I got here from all the lovely DBers. I was an exercise novice so I started walking loads and then running (I did the "couch to 5K" app) but any form of activity will help you.
"There's nothing sadder than a conman conning himself"
“There is freedom waiting for you, On the breezes of the sky, And you ask "What if I fall?" Oh but my darling, What if you fly?”
