Focus on Me and my Boys 8

[J5K]

So the D should be final in about 3 weeks once the judge reviews the agreement.

I have been thinking a lot over the last few days and have realized my STBX's POV. She will never get a job to support the boys and contribute to their well being financially. No one can force STBX to get a job. So who will be the sole breadwinner for the boys, me.

When I consider things long term, is it better for me to have custody of them or is it better for me to provide financially. I do not feel right paying daycare and babysitters when she does not have to contribute to paying a portion of that financially. My boys will miss out on being able to do other activities since we will still be a divorced single income family.

If I stay in Michigan they will be travelling back and forth for the next 15 years at least once a month. This is too much for such for them.

So I have decided that once the D is done, I am going to speak with STBX and have the boys live with her and I will move to Toronto and the boys can move into the new house with her and start school there in January. I am going to speak with my VP again about the transfer. There was also a promotional opportunity at the facility in Toronto that I am going to see if I can get.

I am sure that there are many that would say money isn't everything. I want to be the best dad I can be. I know that whoever has custody will need help raising 5 boys so I guess for the sake of the boys, it is best we do that as a team and co-parent in the same city. STBX has had a lot more time to disassociate the M and our R from the love that we both have for the boys, I am just getting to that point.

At least I can show my boys that I am a man who provides for his family and does what a person has to in order to ensure that they have all I can offer them. I am sure that STBX will do the same based on her abilities.

STBX has told me many times, let's work this out and not spend money on L's. Guess I should have listened to her as the outcome in the long run will end up the same as what she wanted, just with less money now. STBX is a smart person. I have learned a lot over the last year of this rollercoaster ride.

I will explain to my boys at some time in the future that I did not give them to STBX because I gave up, I gave them to her because she loves them and so do I and in order to ensure they have everything they need to live a stable life I am giving them the gift of their mother.

I realized I don't need to see them everyday in order to be happy and be the best dad that I can be. Although I long for this sitch to be different, it is my reality. I have a lot of work to do on myself to show these little men what a good man is.

I am still hopeful that one day STBX and I will be back together, but that choice will be on her. It is a shame that people hold resentment, anger and cannot forgive others for their actions. It affects more than just the two people who were in an R or M.

I have to rebuild the friendship with her, I want to be flexible with her on raising these boys. I want the boys to see a smile on both their parent's faces, M or not. Life is not black and white. Most people would like it to be, even me. Going through this experience shows me that life is grey.

I once was the kind, giving, chivalrous gentleman that STBX fell in love with. I want to be that man again and better. When STBX made the decision to move to Michigan she said she would make it work. Well that did not happen, so it is my turn to try and make it work and see where life takes me.

Focus on me!
Focus on the boys!
Be happy!
Live life!
Be fearless, be courageous!
Think only positive thoughts and outcomes no matter how adverse the situation is.

Thank you to all who have supported me in this journey, Sandi, Ginger, Rose, Sara, SH, bigy, Mach, Rich, lt, Phoebe, Painter, Lady V, Cherry, mvgfwd, and all the others who have posted on my threads, you have helped me through the most difficult situation I have encountered in my life.

I have learned a lot from everyone and from reading DB and DR. An M or R is like a plant or flower, it needs tending. You plant the seed, water it, cultivate and watch it grow into a beautiful thing. It needs nurturing and enrichment. I will continue to provide my half of that to my new family.