It really doesn't mean anything. Picture if an alcoholic woke up with a hangover and said "man, my head is throbbing". Now picture their co-dependent spouse listening wonder "Does that mean he is ready to quit drinking?!? Does that mean this is rock bottom? Is he ready to get sober for real this time?!?!?!?!?!?!?"
The answer is simple. NO. The alcoholic was simply griping that his head hurt. Wouldn't it be nice if he could drink and not get a hangover?
WAW hasn't hit rock bottom. She isn't expressing remorse, telling you she made a mistake, and that she wants to know if there's anything she can do to make it right. That isn't being said.
And, unfortunately, there is a good chance she never will. The same way many alcoholics never quit drinking.
I don't tell you this to be a downer. This is a site to recover your M, and many people do. But many people don't either. The point is you truly can't control that. So ultimately, this site isn't about her, it's about YOU.
You are the co-dependent person that is needy and clingy, that is trying to read into her head tilts and tone of voice looking for signs that she will come back to the marriage. I'm not picking on you. I'm not. I get it. I really do. But the 'believe none of what she says and half of what she does' in my mind applies just as much if not more to the 'positive signs' she shows you. None of it amounts to a hill of beans unless she truly is willing to back it up with serious committed action.
With that in mind, you have to continue to focus on detaching. You don't want to be that person I used in my analogy. You want to be the person that says 'well, my partner may always drink, I have to let that go and accept that fact, and have to figure out how to live my life with strong boundaries, values, and character, in a way that I can feel good about for me.'
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
