Phase 2 contd.

[Pax_luv]

Ok, I'm here. I'm ok. I've been served so the clock is ticking. I hear everything that everyone says, the whole MLC concept is so assanine and I can't believe that nothing can be done to fix this. It's almost as if you all told me repeatedly that the tooth fairy is real. I nod my head listening in agreement and trying to understand all your reasons and justifications about the tooth fairy, but deep down inside I need to see it to believe it. Well, I saw a good glimpse tonight.

I do not believe I'm going to be able to bust this D. I think this is what he needs and there's nothing I can do to stop it. For the last couple months, I wasn't even sure that an R is something I'd be interested in and I'm stil not sure. I just have to know that I did everything humanly possible to try and i feel like I've just about expended all options. However, I know that there's a tiny bit of something still there. I'm not completely tapped out.

I knew I was going to get served because his friend was there. I knew it. He played it off very well as if it was accidental. Kind of like the opportunity to serve me just presented itself.

Very minor r talks. He has a lot of resentment towards me, he never ever wanted this d, and he tried as hard as he could to make it work. I wasn't the partner he needed. I only started to come around after he was already done. Here's the thing with that.... Our dynamic was outlined perfectly in DR. In his efforts to share his feelings, I kept taking them as complaints. It escalated so much that I became paralyzed out of fear of doing something wrong and have him complain even more! He also doesn't realize that ultimatums don't work- all it does is push your spouse further away. That exactly happened with us. He gave me the kid ultimatum and I withdrew. He also said i haven't owned any of the downfall of our marriage because I keep telling him that he's the one who wants the divorce. (It's so exhausting hearing this!!!!!) I didn't try to refute any of the spew, but I listened and nodded. Wasn't really sure how to validate.

Then the childhood stuff came out (how he had to deal with his mom showing affection or lack thereof, how his bro died so he now looks at a bad day and a good day differently than I do) Then the death stuff came out. Then the stuff with his aging body. Poor guy has to be in a lot of hurt. I did get a glimpse of the sadness. I do believe it's there.

He told me that he's been moping around for 18 months. He's not seeing anyone and no one is moving in (why would he say that?). I don't believe the not seeing anyone.

At the end of it all, I did get to make the comment that I wanted to make. About how we've had enough time and space to assess the situation. I told him I know he had to make the difficult decision and I trust that he made the decision knowing that his life was better without me than with me. At that moment, he cried. I said, we both had to look at our lives and evaluate... We'll both be ok. He said, yeah we'll both land on our feet.

Ok, so the convo was all over the place. Im so sad to say that I don't trust him so I am going to make sure my lawyer looks at the paper work in depth. I know that if I don't align with him, I'm going to be the monster. There's no way out of it. It's a lose lose lose.

Lastly, I was a tiny bit sneaky. I made sure I looked smoking hot today. Hair was great, makeup was flawless, I wore a sexy dress that accentuates my curves.... It's a good dress. An attention getting dress because of the amazing fit, but it's very modest. Covered it up with a blazer for work, but took it off when we sat to talk. Even had the spanx on!!! Ha! I just wanted to leave an impression on his mind. I have no idea if he noticed.

So that's that. I have 30 days to respond and depending on how that goes.... The finish line will slowly be coming into view.