The Fight For Self III

[CT1118]

You either have a great new R with your spouse. Or you have a second chance with a better you and a much smarter you.
Strength and Honor.

Mulesqb - thanks so much for coming back to look at the DB site. I have truly enjoyed our interactions. I thought your quote above was really valuable. I feel comfortable with either of the above options.

CT, it's always awesome reading your posts. You're at such a great point right now it's amazing! It's funny how it IS different now. When we all joined the forum a few months ago, everything seemed to be a blur of emotion, confusion, fear, etc.
Now, while not perfect, we at least seem to have gained enough awareness and knowledge to get through the day to day.

So very true It, so very true. I mean, this is entirely the point. There are a number of us here from the Spring/Summer 2016 club. Some of us found this place soon after BD, some a few months after. So here it is months later, still visiting, still waining, still waxing. As active as I am, even if I don't comment, I still truly find peace in coming here to read up on people - I feel like I know so many here. Friendship is strange in the DB world. I mean, we dump some really heavy personal dark $hit here. People ask us stuff which I think would never come in most 1:1 face conversations. And yet, truly anonymous. You are a great dude It0402. I watched how you checked in on FG and RSG in their brown-outs - daily posts. That is worth something man, and they got it.

And I want to make clear I am not advocating giving up or anything like that. Just want newbies to lose the fear. If I had lost the fear I would have been MUCH better at DBing. When I lost it, it was way too late. To me that was the hardest part.

Again, amen to this Mules. Loosing fear. You're support is really inspiring me about me, as so many others gain too from reading it. You know what - I am going to break this reply up into another post. Now though, the spouse and I had a parent teacher thing at s5's school tonight. After, we went to his post-school daycare together (.5 miles from school) to wrap some business with them. She invited me for tacos with son, but when she asked she did not stop talking; caveats flowed like "I mean, I know this is your night 'off' from him and if you have other plans..." etc. She did not know I did have plans that I had already cancelled to make the last minute teacher thing, I did not tell her, it did not matter as they were already cancelled. I said yes. It was a nice time. I am not reading into it. As I sit her now, I do not have a 'pep in my step' or false hopes. This is after some tension last week. But her murmured words made me see some small effort which I have not seen in a while, so I accepted. Beauty was, when you find your"self" again (or in my case for the first time), you can relax through this. She was awkward enough that she spilled her full glass of water onto my lap like some teenager "oh $hit" moment in a movie(she did, she spilled her water all over me). I laughed, because really, what does $hit like that matter anymore. Water never killed pants, and laughter never hurt.

"Tough times don't last, tough people do." --My Dad to me years ago, me to my boys now.

Mind if I steal this to tell my son? Better yet, let's trade 50/50. My dad always told me "At death, the only thing you will truly leave behind is your name. It's up to you how people will use it."