Re: Just a Vanilla Change 32

[Zues126]

First off, know that you've been in all of our thoughts every day V. Posting isn't required, but we're all here for you.

One thing I want to share is something I learned from pool. When I was a up and comer, I used to really be discouraged by how poorly I performed at times. If I choked in a clutch situation I'd think "Gee, I guess I'm not such a great player", or if I had a bad session I'd think "I have a lot more practice to do because this is just horrible".

Two things came to pass that changed my mindset. First, I had some serious success, and accomplished some things that were undeniably amazing. Things that a 'bad player' could never do. Second, as I traveled to more international events, I got to see up close and personal just how horribly other so called 'world champions' performed at times. Terrible sessions. Epic meltdowns. Bad attitudes. Not just once, but again and again. I remember thinking to myself once 'if this guy can with the US Open, *I* can win the US Open'. Another time I remember thinking I could beat one of these champions, and sure enough I got my chance two years later in a major event.

So after that, whenever I had a bad session I would no longer doubt myself. If I choked and missed a crucial shot, I'd just shrug and say to myself "Hm, I guess champions can miss shots like that once in a while", because I KNEW I was a champion.

You've followed my thread and know this has been a much more difficult year for me than I thought. If I was a cell phone my battery life would show 0% with a red outline of a battery. I couldn't understand how my call hadn't dropped yet (or whatever). Point is, as frustrating as it was to not be on my game, I had to remember that I wasn't a failure. I was actually a champion that simply happened to be dealing with one hell of a handful.

I'm pulling out of it. Maybe if I get myself to the wall outlet in time I'll get the lightning bolt symbol and will have the energy for an update on my thread. But the point is that you are still you. You are still in there. This is just what a champion looks like when you are up to your neck in grief. But those who know you will see past the grief, past the fatigue. We know who you are. You don't go and forget it.

The day will come soon when you're vibrantly beaming through life. All I ask V, all I ask, is that you don't wait until then to take a moment to enjoy what you still have around you. My fear isn't that you won't find your greatness again. It's that you'll suffer needlessly because you loose sight of the greatness you have here and now.

I don't have many rainbows to spare, but you can have my last.