Kyh, do you really want to know if she's going to see him? And more importantly, will you trust her when she says "no"?
You are giving her money and supporting her because you are a great person. And because she is a mother of your children and someone you still love. It's not easy to look at someone dear to you to be so down. But I understand you don't want to be for a fool. I have the same problem. Being torn between should I continue helping or let him fall.
I had a discussion with my kids on this a few weeks after h moved out. S13 was angry with me that I'm helping h and talking kids into seeing him when he abandoned us. S15 told him we cannot let him fall. I told S15 that time that maybe that's what h needs. That if you want to get your head above the water fast you need to reach the bottom to bounce back faster. He was not happy about it then and frankly I was not ready not to help h when he needed as I felt sorry for him. But recently, S15 changed his opinion and now it's the 2 of them always telling me to let him fall, that he made his choices and should face consequences and not let him have the best of both worlds. Me, I'm still torn.
It's only up to you if you want to continue helping or not. Only you can decide what makes you feel good. But if you are helping, do that for the good reasons and definitely don't expect anything back or her realising that she should not use the money you give her to go see the OM. I don't think MLCers are able to see this and you will only be hurting yourself. As you said, it may only be in your head. Don't try to overanalyse it.
Sorry about the anniversary. Like Esame, I decided I will ignore mine.
