Newby here, desperate for some advice (thread 5)

[JRuss]

FG -- thank you for the support, now and ever since I first started posting. You've really been a lifeline in such a bad time. Here's to both of us emerging on the other side in good shape, whatever that ends up looking like.

Re ICs, I think most think only of what would make the client happy in the quickest way possible, whereas MCs, at least "pro-marriage" ones, are really working "for" the marriage, i.e., the marriage itself is the real client. My IC would never come out and say it, but I don't believe she thinks my W is capable of being the sort of spouse I need in order to be happily married. So I'm cognizant of her gently nudging me through the grief cycle, and I don't begrudge it -- heck, I frequently think I do just need to give it up. Where I think a client would need to make a change is where the IC gets frustrated at the pace at which you're moving, if that makes sense.