on occasion she has said things which I believe are meant to belittle me and get me to reacted offensively. I don't take the bait
You have also said she would get very b'tchy. Have you stopped to consider that she is trying to see if you have the b@lls to stand up to her when she b'tches and belittles you?
Do you normally react offensively? No, b/c you are a nice-guy. So, you just hunker down and take whatever she's dishing out......which is not attractive in men. When she is belittling you, that's the time to stand up to her.
A woman will not respect a man who she can b'tch & belittle and he does nothing about it. You say you are tired of living this way. Are you?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
