Keep Wearing Wedding Band? [Thread #5]

[mulesqb]

Divorce negotiation has stalled. I've been trying to put the ball in W's court, so she drives the process.

Exactly where it belongs.

But W's also been more angry. Full of rage at moments. In those moments I resolve to push the D forward. Not out of hatred or resentment -- but believing that a physical separation might defuse her simmering anger, as well as provide a haven for the kids. Her anger is pushing me in that direction, but it's not a clear cut choice, yet.

Back in my day some vets were telling me her showing anger is all good. Not sure I get that after all this time. I always viewed as her frustration of not being able to control me. I guess when you step back it could appear to be her outwardly showing some of her inner struggle. I always did feel the proper response was - sorry you feel that way, I imagine it's hard on you - and then walk away. I actually got enjoyment out that in a way.

That visceral, physical, sexual tie I felt with my W ... it is being weathered away by months of her coldness and anger. In a way, she's making it easier for me to divorce her. I'm sure it's her subconscious way of making the world consistent for herself -- it's easier to make me the bad guy and want to leave, rather than to admit I'm a decent guy and still want to leave me.

Yeah this is where the LBS is in a bind. I think I mentioned that when I finally served my XW she tried to make me the bad guy big time. But nobody fell for that. One of my mentors - Puppy Dog Trails - called it the "Fall o the Princess." Your W may feel the pressure starting to build especially since you have passed the burden of filing to her. She doesn't want that guilt. But I totally hear you on physical desires being withered away. To me that will be very difficult to get back. For me it was easy. Confirmed PA means end of M. But even before then the damage was done I was starting to see no path where I go back there.

She's blowing in the wind -- a hurricane -- and I'm trying to stay steady without being fake.

Strength and Honor. Always wins. You can handle this.

Mules