Eating Life with a Big Spoon

[HaWho]

Interesting little thing happened last night. And for anyone who has time to read this, I'd appreciate any advice.

S13 has a hard course load and I think he should drop one of his honors classes. He is only in 8th grade and it is too much stress. So I pulled h aside and updated him/asked his opinion. He said let's discuss it more with S and see what he wants to do.

H left to take s11 to practice and I texted him to say something further about s13's course load. We were corresponding back and forth. H threw in a few jokes like his old self. I am of European descent and h made a joke that if he was "going European" he should have gone with a neighboring country (and one that he knows has always rivaled my home country). Then he gave a smiley face. This is his old humor. I countered that a mail order bride catalog was more his style and also gave a smiley face. We always joked a lot.

Cagey as the comment was, it is interesting that he referenced himself as anything other than a single guy. But odd as this sounds, I sensed he was weirded out that he is married and couldn't address me as his wife. He references me as the mother to his children, never as his wife.

Anyway, he texted that I should go on a walk with him and the dog when he came home as we should discuss this more. He was authoritative about it, in a way h has not been in years. He was saying we needed to take charge and help him. I said ok to the walk.

We only went for 20 or so minutes and we stuck to S13, outside a few jokes. It is the first time he has asked me to go somewhere in a year and a half. He made a lot of eye contact and he was making a lot of sense.

As we were walking into the house h told me he now has an allergic reaction to a certain food. When he eats too much of certain foods his body goes through a period where he needs to take a break. I told him I was sorry and that I would stop cooking that for a while. I voiced concern that he had an allergic reaction. He laughed and said that when he woke up with the reaction he thought it was funny that if he had died locked in that room it probably would have taken me 3 days to discover him.

It wasn't until later that it clicked this was definitely coming from a childhood hurt. As I've written before there is evidence that his mother did not care from him properly when he was quite seriously sick. He remembers begging to go to a hospital. I feel like I missed an opportunity there. I voiced concern and told him we wouldn't eat that for a while but I feel like I could have done better here?!? I have thought about texting him today and saying that it's not safe for him to sleep behind a locked door. Job (if you're reading) or others, thoughts on this?? I guess my concern is that he has cast me into the role as his mother. So if I suggest he sleep with his door unlocked, would be further think I am after him?!?

I kind of got derailed by the allergic part of the story because I was so shocked that he sleeps with his door locked against his own family. I am thinking this is what he wanted to do as a kid to feel safe?!? He did not have a lock on his childhood bedroom. This is heart breaking but he hid in his closet a lot.

I really believe he has to get through that particular issue with his mother to get through the paranoia. I wish I could say to him that he misunderstood her intentions. But sadly, I have on several occasions seen evidence that she was cavalier about his health and even his life threatening allergies. She was indeed negligent to an alarming degree.

When we came home he scurried off into the dorm room and poof, he was MIA.