Love the question Sandi, I'm assuming we are going down the line of I finally dropped her....
In these last few weeks, I basically had a great time with son at the soccer tournament and didn't make any attempt to hang around W. She is the one that came near me on a few occasions. Also had a chat with her new friend (also a single mom) after she approached me cause I was looking after her son when he got hurt playing. Saw an interesting interaction between this mom and who I think is the kids father at the next tournament. (can explain this later).
I have ignored her late night emails, after telling her to only contact me between 8am and 8.30pm. This has provoked more hostility and saying she is looking into mediated sessions to discuss important topics. I re-stated once more (2nd and last time I will) that she can contact me anytime between these hours and I will respond at my earliest opportunity and ignore anything else that comes in outside of these hours.
I have had all our joint friends see me and comment on how well I was doing and they know I have been out with someone else. They are all suggesting I see how things go with the new girl and how happy I seem to be. I also made my first ever cake (Guiness Chocolate cake) for the get together and it was a big hit, even the all the kids wanted it.
I have informed W that as of March (year of separation) next year she will be free of the house and me as I will be in a position to take it over completely and she can file.
The only bit I still have some trouble with is seeing how disconnected she is with the kids but as my Uncle explained to me, I can only be their Dad. I can't be both so be the best Dad. He learnt this after his first wife died and he had his 10 year old son to look after.
The last month or so has just felt so much different than all those months before. I feel free, I feel confident in who I am again, I'm not waiting around trying to work out what on Earth is she doing. W has gone on vacation this week and I couldn't care less where she went. I got all this information about it other than where, like I was supposed to be interested and ask questions and I had none. Surprisingly not even a mild curiousity.
To those who might read this, it takes time to get to this point but when you do, you will know. Also, I feel looking back, why did I waste all those months but it is a process that we have to go through but you will get there and be the stronger ones. I have read so much as we all do but it does take time to process. Don't beat yourself up for the low moments, use them to push through, use the anger you feel to come out stronger, to believe in yourself and believe you are worth so much more than you are being treated.
